辛达雅思代报考位：到2015年1月16日上午雅思官网没有释放考位，在此提醒广大考生抓紧时间报名，注意自己的考试时间，如对雅思报名有任何疑问，欢迎咨询在线客服。

  雅思作文以“内容”，“逻辑构造”，“语法的精确运用和规模”以及“词汇量”作为评分规范，咱们要取得雅思作文高分，就要以这四个方面作为预备要点。和雅思代报一起来看看下面这篇雅思作文范文是怎样修正的吧。

雅思作文的评分规范包含四个方面：

Task Response

Coherence and Cohesion

Lexical Resource

Grammatical Range and Accuracy

  雅思的4Gates即是其评分规范，分别为“内容”，“逻辑构造”，“语法的精确运用和规模”以及“词汇量”四个规范。依据下面的全面修正事例，读者能够明白的看到一篇5.5分的雅思范文是如安在修正之前蜕变变成高分著作。

Cambridge 8 – Test 2

Nowadays the way many people interact with each other has changed because of technology.

In what ways has technology affected the types of relationships people make?

Has this become a positive or negative development?

  原文：

Nowadays the way people interact with each other has changed because of technology.

Yes, the technology has changed the people’s interaction in very enhanced manner. Earlier people use to wait and try to find easy way to contact their friends or relatives leaving far. In past there was no quick technology to contact or to establish any communication between one person to another person. The drawback with past communication systems was that it were very slow and were time taking process such as telegrams, letter etc. People used to afraid to write their personal feedbacks or things to their love ones due to insecure medium of communication. When it comes to professional level, the privacy and accuracy should be maintain but, to that time there were no secure communications.

Now the things have changed around, people from far distance contact their loves one in an easy and quick ways which improves the interaction level between two person. Quality the level of the interaction between people to people, has improved because the people are equipped with high-tec technology which enhances the communication. There are many many medium which are available now such as internet, called cards etc.

The technology has provided the mobility faster which help people to talk or to interact at any time anywhere in the world.

People can contact their friend or relatives any time they want. It has become so easier and feriendly to be in touch with your feriends, relatives even with the unknown people.

  原文翻译：

  今日，由于科技的开展大家相互交流的办法也发生了改变。

是的。技能改进了大家的交流办法。曾经大家老是等待找到便利的办法联络居住在异地的亲朋好友。曾经没有高效的技能协助大家交流交流。以往的通讯体系的疑问是速度慢，费时刻，比如：电报和函件等。在曩昔，大家不敢给爱人写一些私密的事情由于忧虑通讯不行安全。专业的通讯技能应当是安全的、精确的，可是在当时底子没有安全的通讯可言。

  如今，这些事情现已改变了，住在远处的大家运用一种高效的办法联络他们的爱人。这些办法改进了大家之间的交流办法。由于大家运用了改进交流的高科技，所以他们交流的办法现已得到改进。如今有了许多这类媒体，比如：国际互联网、语音卡等。

  这些技能供给了更快的移动性，协助大家在任何时刻、世界上的任何地方与别人交流。

  如今大家能够在任何时刻联络亲朋好友。和兄弟、家人以及陌生人的交流变得更简单了。

 （注：上述的习作存在语法过错和表达过错，因而对应的翻译也有必定收支。）

Sample Answer:

This is an answer written by a candidate who achieved a Band 5.5 score. Here is the examiner’s comment:

  这是一位考生写的5.5分作文。下面是考官的评语。

The topic introduction has been copied from the task and is deducted from the word count. This leaves the answer underlength at 236 words, so the candidate loses marks for this.

  文章的开篇是从题目中抄来的，所以不能算字数。剩余的只要236个字，考生因而失分。

This answer addresses both questions, but the first is not well covered in terms of how actual relationships have changed. Nevertheless, there is a clear opinion that the effects have been positive and relationships have improved, with some relevant ideas to support this. There is a general progression to the argument, with some effective use of time markers and linkers. There is also some repetition, however. Paragraphing is not always logical, and ideas are not always well linked. A range of vocabulary that is relevant to the topic is used, including some precise and natural expressions. There are quite a lot of mistakes in word form, word choice or spelling, but these do not usually reduce understanding. A variety of sentence type is used, but not always accurately. Errors in grammar and punctuation are distracting at times, but only rarely cause problems for the reader.

  此文答复了两个疑问，可是在答复第一个疑问时，并没有充沛评论疑问中对于实际中的联系是怎么改变的。可是，文章展示了明晰的观念（这些影响都是好的，而且这些联系都有所改进）并配以有关的观念支持。文章的论证循序渐进，运用了许多表明时刻的提示词以及连接词，可是单个有些重复。分段不行逻辑，而且一些观念没有充沛的有关。运用了一些与主题有关的词汇，包含精确并天然的表达。虽然有一些词性、词义以及拼写过错，可是并不会太影响了解。运用了各种句型，可是许多不太准。语法过错和标点过错有时会搅扰了解，可是不会给读者发生太大的费事。

  修正后：

Nowadays,.(It is true that technology has shifted people’s communicative ways. 运用It is true that的句式突出后边的事情；Change和shift是近义词更换；the way people interact和communicative way是近义词更换。这么的改变能够防止引证题目中的原词。)

 （回绝非正式的用法。）The technology has changed the people’s interaction in very enhanced manner. Earlier people used（前后时态有必要共同。）to wait and try to find easy ways（名词单复数）to contact their friends or relatives leaving far. In the past, there was no （词汇运用不当，应当改成effective）technology to contact others or to establish any communication between two people. And（首要的连接词，表明本句和上一句一起解说为何“大家一直在等待找到更有用的通讯办法。”）the drawback ofthe past communication systems was that they （指代不清，这儿指代的是communication systems）were too （表明“太”。）slow and were time-consuming （表明“费时”）, including （这是应当运用分词方式，表明对主句的communication ways的详细描绘。）the telegrams, the letter etc. Not only that,（这儿需求连接词）people used to be afraid to write their personal feedbacks or things to their loved ones because of （because of 着重“外因”；due to 着重“依据”）information security （依据上下文了解，此处应当表达的是“信息安全”）of communication. (They worried their letters might be stolen or read by some strangers.这儿能够继续描绘大家的忧虑。)

  However，（上文首要评论曩昔的状况，而接下来将评论如今的改变）now the things have changed around.（有必要防止运用“，”连接两个语句。正确的处理办法是，要么选用断句的办法，要么增加连词。）People in a long  distance contact their lovesd one in (effective and efficient) ways, which improve（主谓共同，which替代ways。）the interaction level between two persons. Quality （用词重复）of the interaction between people and people（主谓之间不能增加“，”。）has been improved（这儿运用被迫是由于交流质量的提高是由于技能的开展。）because they  are equipped with high-techdevices which enhances their communication. There are many（重复）mediummediaavailable  such as internet, called cards etc.So the technology has provided better mobility , which help people to talk or  keep in touch with each other at any time anywhere in the world.（不应当单独成段，应当和上一段联系在一起。）（本句应当被删除，由于没有提出任何新的观念，而且与上文的语句十分重复。）

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