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今日辛达雅思代报小编给大家分享一篇作文的点评，以下是具体内容。

       In many countries, the number of elderly people is increasing fast. To what extent do the disadvantages outweigh the advantages?

　　Nowadays, owning to the improvement of living condition(这儿习惯用复数), people can live much longer than before, which gives rise to the 

fast increasing number of elderly people. Some hold that this situation will result in a series of problems, such as social burden, population 

expansion and so on. While others insist that it agrees the development of modern society and brings many advantages. For my part, I take the

 latter side with(用for) the following reasons: (74words)

　　点评：开头略微写的有点长，不过内容写的还不错。属于通过剖析两种不同观念，最终论述自己观念的写法。(此种写法在雅思大作文的第一段比较常见)

　　美中不足的是倒数第二句的错误比较明显!while是个连词，应该连接语句与语句，所以这儿前面不应该是句号。后面agree是不及物动词，不能直接加宾

语。

　　Firstly, elder people(一瞬间elderly people,一瞬间又elder people，这不是自相矛盾么!!!) are the fortune of our society. They have enough

 experiences and capabilities which are badly lacked and needed for our youth when dealing with all sorts of problems, they can still do well in

 their jobs. Especially(前面应该用逗号，然后这儿小写) in some professions, such as teacher, doctor, scientist and so on, sometimes (前面应该用句号，

然后这儿大写)age means the authority and ability. When you see a doctor, do you prefer an elderly doctor with grey hair or a youth without 

mustache? (77words)

　　Secondly, elder people(同上) are the happiness of our society. Increasing number of elderly people is also the embodiment of our improving 

living quality, which shows our society run(应该第三人称奇数)to the right and healthy direction, we(前面句号，这儿大写) have more chance and time 

to serve our elderly people, and it’s the happiest time of all our life to accompany with(accompany是及物动词) our parents, grandparents and 

great grandparents. (63words)

　　Finally, elderly people are the lubricant of our society. They have good temper and enough patients(应该是patience吧) to do anything, they 

can help us to intercede(它是不及物动词，而且主要用人作宾语) social disputes, and they make our society much more harmonious which(前面最好有

个逗号)makes for the construction of harmonious society.(43words)

　　正文段归纳点评：此篇是典型的5段式作文的写作，正文段构思出三个分论点来证明自己的观念，的确在构思上花了不少心思。可是，这儿我想提的是，仍

是两方面都剖析一下会比较好一点。特别这篇文章是问长处多仍是缺陷多，那么最好是缺陷讲一个，然后长处再讲两个。外国人喜欢这样的辩证剖析。

　　其次，总的来说，作者的言语仍是挺流畅的。可是似乎标点有问题，该用句号的时分用逗号，改用逗号的时分用句号，这个也要扣分的!

　　From mentioned above, the advantages of increasing number of elderly people are obvious more than it disadvantages(典型的Chinese

 English.应该说there are obviously more advantages than disadvantages.). Elderly people are not the burden of our society but the source of 

fortune, happiness and harmony of our society.(37words)

　　全文总评：

　　尽管总的来说言语水平仍是很不错的，内容也写得很充实，但缺陷是言语方面仍是不够细腻。此文7分。

小编找到的是作者的一些见解，希望可以为考生们寻找到最好得分方式，也希望对大家有所帮助。最后，希望广大考生们在备考过程中提升自己的语言水平，取得更好的成绩。

有需要代报考位的同学们，可以直接联系我们，辛达雅思代报竭诚为您服务。(*^__^*)