分析一篇雅思写作6分范文的优缺点


时间:2018/9/29
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       雅思6分作文例文:

  Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

  Nowadays, purpose of education being changed in Korea. There are some people who think that competition in children should be made, also others believe that children who are taught to co-operate as well as become more useful adults. There are advantages and disadvantages for both of the arguments.

  To begin with, what is good if a sense of competition in children is made? They could develop themselves more and more as they learn and study a lot to win from the competition. To prove this, in Korea, it is popular- even common now- to have a tutor who come to student’s house to teach extra pieces of study with paying a lot of money. They learn faster than what they learn at school. Furthermore, during the vocations, students study abroad to learn English for a month instead of revise school work. If they have experiments such as study abroad, it is one of the greatest plus point to go to the famous well-known high school. Moreover, there are four big school exam and two national examinations to test students’ level of studies. Generally, only the highest 40% can go to the good quality highschools and colleges children learn as much as they can, to win the competition to obtain good quality schools.

  On the other hand, as they are busy to enter the schools and study individually with their own tutors, there are problems. They become selfish. They become careless and don’t help others a lot if it is about studies. There will be no co-operations for them. Then, why are there companies for many people to work in? each of them are clever, however, there are weak parts and strong parts for each person. To co-operate is to improve this part. People talk and listen to what others thinking of and learn. That could also be a great opportunity to learn instead of learning alone with one teacher.

  In conclusion, I strongly agree with that children should be taught to co-operate rather than compete. Nobody is perfect. People learn together, work together to develop each other. therefore, I want parents and teachers to educate children concentrating on co-operation, not compete and ranking them.

       雅思6分作文问题分析:

  从证明大主题的视点来说,这一篇的最终的收尾是co-operation 更重要的建立的,可是这位考生在文字数量分配上缺少规划,分配给competition的文字明显多于给co-operation的,这样就给了考官一个十分入情入理的借口扣分,实在是遗憾啊!

  写作主张NO.5:If it is your preference, give it more reference.

  假如你更认同那个观念,那就在这个观念上多写点吧。

  假如咱们进一步看下Body段里的细节内容,其实这位考生的语法功力和逻辑证明才能比上面那位5分同学还要差,可是这篇文章把题目中的两个方面都说到,没有犯我的NO.3主张中的过错。除此之外,文字总量上这一篇文章叫上两篇都有肯定的优势,所以再强调下数量真的也很重要。

  写作主张NO.6:A quantitative change causes a qualitative change.

  质变带来质变。

  总归,想要打破雅思6分作文的话,首先要有不错逻辑证明的才能,一起,要合理分配雅思写作的内容,文章中所认同的观念,相对来说要分配更多的内容,反之,则适度地削减一些内容,突出重点很重要。小编预祝同学们在雅思考试中取得好的成果。






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