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       Band 4

　　Topic:

　　Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree of disagree?

　　According to universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. Therefore, this essay will show some reasons of argument for and argument against.

　　Firstly, I will discuss about two reasons of argument for to begin with universities should accept equal numbrs of male and female students in every subject because it will be balance of idea while studying. In general, there usually are different ideas between man and woman. These lead to new ideas from different vision will happen. Another reason is it display that have equal of society not eccept in each side. In addition, nowadays, the most societies become to accept ability of both in any way.

　　Secondly, I will discuss about one reason of arguments against that is some subjects not suitable for each other. for example, some subjects of sports such as weight putting. It is not suitable for female because there are different of body between male and female.

　　In conclusion, I agree with universities should accept equal numbers of male an female students in every subject. Moreover, it depend on what the subjects that the students want to study, they can choose by themselves because I believe that if the students like to study their subjects, they will do it well so that I strongly agree with this topic.

　　4分的原因：

　　首要， 该同学在语法上的缺点是丧命的，大都语句都不契合英语语句结构的要求，如：These lead to new ideas from different vision will happen. Lead to已经是谓语动词了，后边再呈现will happen就是过错的，要知道后一个动词需求采取去动词性质处理：This will lead to new ideas from different perspectives happening 其实这句话也很罗嗦，彻底可以改成：This will lead to a wider variety of ideas.

　　别的一句： Another reason is it display that have equal of society not eccept in each side. 更是无法了解了， is, display, have 及accept 通通是动词形状在语句中呈现，但又没有从句将这些动词分隔，终究连成功解密过很多学生天书的我也不能了解他究竟想讲什么了。

　　十分不幸的是在我国巨大的考鸭军团中，有1/2以上的考鸭们写出来的英语语句与这位考生写的相同不流畅难明。假如你的英语语句也存在这样的根本语法过错的话，我的主张是赶忙花上3-4天的时刻处理这个问题，然后再move on到雅思写作上。

　　写作主张NO.1：Write in an English way, and make your examiner smile J

　　依照英文的语法句式写英文语句。

　　其次，这篇文章的证明逻辑紊乱：第二段他想表达的是招相同数量的男女生的优点，第三段要写专业的不同会导致接收相同数量的男女生是不现实的，终究收尾段写道：终究我赞同应该接收相同数量的男女生。从上面的两段看下来，终究一段要写的应该是partially agree with the topic 才对—假如专业有较强的性别取向性，那么该topic不建立;假如专业关于两性来说相同的，那么一半对一半的调配是值得引荐的。

　　写作主张NO.2: Have your conclusion based on what you have expressed rather than what you have conceived.

　　你的结论来自你的文章内容，而不是你脑子中随便构思出的。

Band 4

　　Topic:

　　Universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. To what extent do you agree of disagree?

　　According to universities should accept equal numbers of male and female students in every subject. Therefore, this essay will show some reasons of argument for and argument against.

　　Firstly, I will discuss about two reasons of argument for to begin with universities should accept equal numbrs of male and female students in every subject because it will be balance of idea while studying. In general, there usually are different ideas between man and woman. These lead to new ideas from different vision will happen. Another reason is it display that have equal of society not eccept in each side. In addition, nowadays, the most societies become to accept ability of both in any way.

　　Secondly, I will discuss about one reason of arguments against that is some subjects not suitable for each other. for example, some subjects of sports such as weight putting. It is not suitable for female because there are different of body between male and female.

　　In conclusion, I agree with universities should accept equal numbers of male an female students in every subject. Moreover, it depend on what the subjects that the students want to study, they can choose by themselves because I believe that if the students like to study their subjects, they will do it well so that I strongly agree with this topic.

　　4分的原因：

　　首要， 该同学在语法上的缺点是丧命的，大都语句都不契合英语语句结构的要求，如：These lead to new ideas from different vision will happen. Lead to已经是谓语动词了，后边再呈现will happen就是过错的，要知道后一个动词需求采取去动词性质处理：This will lead to new ideas from different perspectives happening 其实这句话也很罗嗦，彻底可以改成：This will lead to a wider variety of ideas.

　　别的一句： Another reason is it display that have equal of society not eccept in each side. 更是无法了解了， is, display, have 及accept 通通是动词形状在语句中呈现，但又没有从句将这些动词分隔，终究连成功解密过很多学生天书的我也不能了解他究竟想讲什么了。

　　十分不幸的是在我国巨大的考鸭军团中，有1/2以上的考鸭们写出来的英语语句与这位考生写的相同不流畅难明。假如你的英语语句也存在这样的根本语法过错的话，我的主张是赶忙花上3-4天的时刻处理这个问题，然后再move on到雅思写作上。

　　写作主张NO.1：Write in an English way, and make your examiner smile J

　　依照英文的语法句式写英文语句。

　　其次，这篇文章的证明逻辑紊乱：第二段他想表达的是招相同数量的男女生的优点，第三段要写专业的不同会导致接收相同数量的男女生是不现实的，终究收尾段写道：终究我赞同应该接收相同数量的男女生。从上面的两段看下来，终究一段要写的应该是partially agree with the topic 才对—假如专业有较强的性别取向性，那么该topic不建立;假如专业关于两性来说相同的，那么一半对一半的调配是值得引荐的。

　　写作主张NO.2: Have your conclusion based on what you have expressed rather than what you have conceived.

　　你的结论来自你的文章内容，而不是你脑子中随便构思出的。

Band 5

　　Some people think that universities should provide graduates with the knowledge and skills needed in the workplace. Others think that the true function of a university should be to give access to knowledge for its own sake, regardless of whether the course is useful to an employer. What, in your opinion, should be the main function of a university?

　　What knowledge and skills should universities provide has been argued for many years. Some people think that the true function of universities provide knowledge for their own purpose, but nowadays, more and more people point out that universities should provide graduates with the knowledge and skills according to the workplace.

　　The first reason for universities should provide these knowledge and skill is the students’ needs. Obviously, the most of the students go to university purpose of is to get some knowledge and skills which could make them have the ability to get a job. If a university does not provide these knowledge and skills, the students might not get a job and they would be very disappointed. As a result, the university would lose its students.

　　Moreover, providing knowledge and skills needed in the workplace makes a university progress. The new skills and information always are initiated in the workplace, so focusing on the needs of the workplace the university could get sound strategies to do research and make it more modernization.

　　Lastly, providing these knowledge and skills could benefit our country which usually gives a financial support to universities. Having these knowledge and skills, students are more easy to get a job, and this can make our countries’ economy strong.

　　In conclusion, it can be said that providing the knowledge and skills which the workplace needs is every university’s basic function.

　　只能拿到5分的原因：

　　一、这个标题中有两方的观念：some 及others的，很显着这位考生在后边的证明过程中彻底忽视了others的观念,都在一味地证明some 的观念的正确性，于是考官给出的评语是：it does not address all parts of the question.

　　写作主张NO.3：Do not neglect any part, or you will regret your mark.

　　不要忽视任何东西，否则你的分数会让你很悲伤。

　　二、这位考生在连接词和杂乱句型上都体现得不错，可是他太偷闲了，knowledge and skill这个词组总共用了9次，这种高频率的repetition让这位考生付出了比较沉重的代价，所以看者期望你们能够罗致这样的经验，多注意Paraphrase的操练。尤其是常考的考试主题所可能涉及到的高频单词更是要做好homework. knowledge and skill就归于top 3 的高频考题的教育类，所以这类的词汇一定是多多预备才对，如 expertise, conversance, instruction, competence, aptitude, technique, prowess, dexterity 都可以拿来替换这两个词。

　　写作主张NO.4：Paraphrase helps you parachute into a higher band.

　　改写能助你拿到高分。

Band 6

　　Some people think that a sense of competition in children should be encouraged. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

　　Nowadays, purpose of education being changed in Korea. There are some people who think that competition in children should be made, also others believe that children who are taught to co-operate as well as become more useful adults. There are advantages and disadvantages for both of the arguments.

　　To begin with, what is good if a sense of competition in children is made? They could develop themselves more and more as they learn and study a lot to win from the competition. To prove this, in Korea, it is popular- even common now- to have a tutor who come to student’s house to teach extra pieces of study with paying a lot of money. They learn faster than what they learn at school. Furthermore, during the vocations, students study abroad to learn English for a month instead of revise school work. If they have experiments such as study abroad, it is one of the greatest plus point to go to the famous well-known high school. Moreover, there are four big school exam and two national examinations to test students’ level of studies. Generally, only the highest 40% can go to the good quality highschools and colleges children learn as much as they can, to win the competition to obtain good quality schools.

　　On the other hand, as they are busy to enter the schools and study individually with their own tutors, there are problems. They become selfish. They become careless and don’t help others a lot if it is about studies. There will be no co-operations for them. Then, why are there companies for many people to work in? each of them are clever, however, there are weak parts and strong parts for each person. To co-operate is to improve this part. People talk and listen to what others thinking of and learn. That could also be a great opportunity to learn instead of learning alone with one teacher.

　　In conclusion, I strongly agree with that children should be taught to co-operate rather than compete. Nobody is perfect. People learn together, work together to develop each other. therefore, I want parents and teachers to educate children concentrating on co-operation, not compete and ranking them.

　　问题分析：

　　从证明大主题的视点来说，这一篇的终究的收尾是co-operation 更重要的建立的，可是这位考生在文字数量分配上缺少规划，分配给competition的文字显着多于给co-operation的，这样就给了考官一个十分入情入理的托言扣分，实在是遗憾啊!

　　写作主张NO.5：If it is your preference, give it more reference.

　　假如你更认同那个观念，那就在这个观念上多写点吧。

　　假如咱们进一步看下Body段里的细节内容，其实这位考生的语法功力和逻辑证明能力比上面那位5分同学还要差，可是这篇文章把标题中的两个方面都说到，没有犯我的NO.3主张中的过错。除此之外，文字总量上这一篇文章叫上两篇都有绝对的优势，所以再强调下数量真的也很重要。

　　写作主张NO.6：A quantitative change causes a qualitative change.

　　突变带来突变。

Band 7.5

　　Some people believe that there should be fixed punishment for each type of crime. Others, however, argue that the circumstances of an individual crime, and the motivation for committing it, should always be taken into account when deciding on the punishment. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

　　Fixing punishments for each type of crime has been a debatable issue. There are many arguments supporting both views, those for and those against fixed punishments.

　　On the one hand, fixed punishments will have a deterring effect on society. Individuals knowing that they will be subject to a certain punishment if they are convicted with a given crime, will reconsider committing this act in the first place. This deterring effect also leads to social stability and security, through minimizing the number of crime committed. If people knew they would be able to convince the court or the jury of a reason for having committed the crime they are accused of, penal decisions would be largely arbitrary. This would result into criminals getting away with their crimes and into a high level of injustice caused by the subjective approach of different courts.

　　On the other hand, taking the circumstances of a crime and its motivation into consideration is a prerequisite for establishing and ensuring justice and equity. A person killing in self-defense cannot be compared to a serial killer, moving from one victim to the next.

　　In my opinion and intermediary position between both solutions is the perfect way to establish and ensure justice and equity. There have to be fixed punishments for all crimes. however, criminal laws have to provide for a minimum and a maximum for the punishment and the laws also have to foresee certain cases of exemptions. An example for setting minimum and maximum penalties is Completion Law where a person being held liable of a crime under this law will be convicted to pay a fine, according to the harm caused by the violation and the profit gained by the violator through committing the crime.As for the exemptions, in some countries the law exempts thiefs stealing food during a period of famine taking into consideration the distress and hunger. Also a person killing in self-defense will be exempted from punishment.

　　这篇7.5分的例文简直悉数恪守了以上6条主张，可是在paraphrase这一点仍有失误，作者应该把penalty早早说到文章的前面替换掉一些频频呈现的punishment, 一起应该多收集点其它的词，如：castigation, penalization, discipline等。 可是他关于收集违法类的词汇上明显homework做的比较足，所以用了很多专业的词汇：

　　jury 陪审团; penal 刑事的; arbitrary 果断的;injustice 不公正; subjective approach 主观的方法; prerequisite 条件; self-defense 正当防卫; serial killer 连环杀手; exemption 豁免; liable 应负法律责任的; convict 定…罪; violation 违背。

　　从语法上来看，这篇essay 除使用了定语从句外，还有很多的分词短语作定语，如：

　　Individuals knowing that they will be subject to a certain punishment if they are convicted with a given crime, will reconsider committing this act in the first place. (现在分词)

　　A person killing in self-defense cannot be compared to a serial killer, moving from one victim to the next. (现在分词)

　　according to the harm caused by the violation and the profit gained by the violator through committing the crime. (过去分词)

　　被动语态也有展示：

　　a person being held liable of a crime under this law will be convicted to pay a fine.

　　这两个语法点都被包括在了几个写作高分语法点中，所以同学在把握好了以上六条主张之后应该在这些写作高分语法句型上花些精力和时刻，以助自己的高分愿望早日实现。

　　终究强调下，写作时证明一定要全面，尤其是关于双观念的题型。 更是要把握好两方证明的次序和篇幅分配，终究在总结时要注意是否和正文思路符合。